| Writings |
Rae |
Past |
Visuals |
But if your heart's not in it, for real.
Please dont try to fake what you dont feel.
If love's already gone,
Its not fair to lead me on.
Cause, i would give the whole world, for you.
Anything you'd ask of me, i'll do.
But i wont ask you to say,
I'd rather walk away.
If your heart's not in it.
tomorrow's amaths test.
and i'm like rushing to remember what i can remember.
exponential and logarithmic graphs are killing me.
my super best fren.logarithm.like like !!!
i dont even understand a thing at all.
oh man.
bangs head against wall*
what the hell //
grrr.
somethimes i really dont know how to vent my anger can.
i just feel like taking a flame and burn myself.
perhaps the pain will make me forget that i'm angry.
like what the hell la.
tell me.
what the hell.
what the hell.
yesterdays training was crazy.
150m x 10.
woah.felt super sick half way.
wanted to stop.
told myself i couldnt.
i must complete everything.
great.and i did it.
but it was like.
oh man.
super bad.
like what the hell's my standard now.
i think i have the best two partners.
the frist two to rush off after school.woah.
claps* i admire their skill.
these two days i really pay attention in class can.
please lo.
like as if i wanna talk to the person beside me like that.
please lo.what the hell.
i think mr yao is damn knowledgeable.
wow.o_O
his physics lesson was like damn great today.
but what the hell la.
i'm still like darn angry.
now.dont just walk away.
and you dont care abt me.
are you happy now.
nothings gonna change my love for you.
you ought to know by now how much i love you.
was out for the whole day of yesterday!
hehe.was doing cip at cck.
was at dhoby ghaut mrt station.
met pearly and some 4c pple.
pearly gave me a free sticker!
cos 4c was having flag day.
hehe.
and i waited and waited for that dear novia to come.
and she came.
wif someone else!
grr.
make me so paiseh wif them.
oh man.
i feel so gooseberry.
they were like playing so lovingly.
me and novia were to guard the gate!
lame hoh.
qt slack la.
met so many pple.
and that stella tan.
whos turning bung.
haha.tsk.
went to macs wif my dear jenn after everything.
just the two of us.
grins-
how much i love my juliet.
she was like feeling damn grr.
until something happened.
that really made her smile like crazy.
and she got so motivated and encouraged.
haha.tsk!
went for some gathering.was like damn tired.
reached home so late le.
sighs.
many things running through my mind now.
many pple told me to train hard once again.
should i?
i dont know.
jenn told me its not worth it giving up becos of one person.
she told me she feels proud when she sees me run.:)
i'll give it a try.
tomorrow.
but i'm afraid.
this attempt will be in vain.
i'm afraid.really afraid.
rae is smiling once again.
seeing her makes me smile.
really.a smile from deep within.
:)
had spot check dis morning.
lao wu came ok!
grr.
i was caught for my skirt.and my socks.
my skirt was like super long can!
that lao wu's weird.
and my socks.
she wanted to see a long one after recess.oh wells.
so recess.i exchanged socks wif my dearest sister.
her socks super long can!
goody.
and lao wu had nothing to say abt me.lala.
had asembly today.
that woman talked super long.
oh wells.
gauri and jieying and pris were funny!
made the asembly damn fun.
hehe.
that woman ended like so late ok!
grr.went back to class.
rearranged tables.
exchange places le.
wow.i love where i'm sitting now can.
rocks.
like stuck in a corner.
and when i turn to my right.i see the wall.
turn to the left.
even worst.
that moley freak.
oh man!
alot of pple in class pity me can.
get such a place.
:(
i'm gonna miss my spongebob lookalike partner.
had track photo taking today.
oh wells.nothing much to say abt that.
except that i know i'm short.
then had the time wif her.
to do alittle catching up.
long long time since we faced each other and talk.
but we didnt talk much.
frowns-
met my sister and brother and yvette in the canteen!
was crapping wif them.as usual.
i sang huanghun which made yvette look sad.
and say something wrong that made my sister look sad too.
oops.i'm truly sorry.
looking at you in the eyes.
makes my heart go soft.
makes me wanna grab you.
and hold on to you as long as i can.
my baby.
morning was such a failure.
lao pang saw me wif my super short skirt.oh man.
she stood there.staring at it.
i sticked out my tongue.speechless.didnt know what to do.
so i went for chinese wif my short skirt.
good old pang.
she borrowed a long skirt for me from the prefects room.
and she confiscated my own.
boos.its alright anyway.
i still have another of my skirt at backup in class.
grins-
took class picture.
oh man.as usual i was sitting down.in the front row.
guess who was beside me?
moley.yucks.
but my cute partner says thats even better.
cos it can show how pretty and cute i am.
heh.
china bung's hair.was like.wow.
so punkish.*heart melts* :|
lao wu's still absent.
so mr goh took her place.
from mdm goh become mr goh.
funny eh.
and recess!my best senior.that berr.she knows that my skirt got confiscated can!
so that nice old pang.
took my skirt up to the 4th storey.and showed them.
wow.she rocks my world man.
trying to maluate me again
and!he sucks.
i told him i cannot do cip on saturday.
cos i got my golf lesson.
and he just like say.in a damn loud voice.
cancel yr golf lesson.
like whatever.
gotta go do my homework.
got lotss to finish.
one day you'll loved me like i have loved you.
one day you'll think of me like i i have thought of you.
one day you'll cry for me like i have cried for you.
one day you'll want me but i wont want you.
my mind was losing control.
i just couldnt stop.
i am sorry once again.
now everythings darn ugly.
not even me wld want to see it.
sometimes it feels like noone understands.
i dont even know why i do the things i do.
cldnt sleep last night.
thought of a alot of things.
made me cry like siao.sighs.
:(
school's ok for me.
the frist period was amaths.and another teacher came in.
our class was like damn happy.cos we thought wong didnt come.
oh yay.and abt 15 minutes later.she stepped into the class.
what the.
i wore my superrr long skirt for my chinese period again.
the first thing lao pang did to me was to bend over and see my skirt.
then she smiled.whatever.
and i had to teach j.k how to tuck in her shirt properly.
like how lao pang taught me.
so i had to stand in front of the class.with my cao long skirt.and teach jk there.
tuck in yr blouse into yr skirt.
then stretch yr arms.
that's the way to tuck in.no pulling it out!:|
oh wells.
tomorrow will be our class photo-taking.
but lao wu's going to be absent frm school!then how?
was really looking forward to after school so i can her again like after so long.
but.my heart just went numb.
sadly.i couldnt feel anything at all.
why are things so bad for me.
:( crys-
how can i be smiling when you're gone
will I be strong enough to carry on
today's funny.the first period of the day was already hell for me.i wore this size 24 untailored skirt.oh man.for that stupid chinese la.that lao pang wants to see me in a long skirt.so i borrowed for jiamin.and wore it during chinese period only.
oh man.it was like darn long can.i think i look like a sec 1.:( that lao pang still like maluate me in front of the chinese class ks!she was like.
jing tian cui wen hen guai... and all the nonsense.
oh god.i wanted to dig a hole on the ground and bury myself inside.
after chinese period straight away take out my super long skirt!
it felt better.much much better.:)
when i was walking back to class during recess.saw lao pang coming in my direction.
i ran to the nearest staircase and ran all my way up.oh phew.
i hope she didnt see my skirt.
or it'll be like weird.
morning was like super long.why now super short.heh.
gauri's cute!she was like hee-cupp [dont know how to spell] mood today.
and that jessica.wanted to peck me on my cheek like so many times!
freaked me out like crazy.
i cannot anyhow kiss one ks.tsk tsk.
today's the first day of school!oh whee.rae is back to the same old hyper kid.
i miss my partner.and hers back wif me.hee.i dont wanna change places.she taught me how to sign the spongebobsquarepants song.:) i'm picking up fast.
old wu isnt going to be here for a week.so i can wear my hairband during morning asembly!oh yay.that fat bitch didnt come today also.goody.she couldnt catch me for my hairband.lalala~ but! that lao pang says she's going to take an unpicker or whatever you call it to unpick my skirt!grr.she claims its to short.oh wells.i dont want her to do such a weird thing to my skirt can.:(
lessons seemed to pass so slowly.thats the thing i dont like abt school.no training today.i'm guai.came back home and sleep.heh.
sings*
who lives under the pineapple under the sea?
spongebobsquarepants!
absorbant yellow and porour is he
spongebobsquarepants!....
see.rae is happy and hyper.
grins.
rae is not feeling good.
rae is feeling this damn feeling of rejection.
rae feels.
grrrr.
not a suitable word can describe.
rae feels lonely.
real lonely inside.
lalala.its my sister's birthday!hehe.not fair.like my brother and my sister both 15 le.and i'm still 14.and i must wait like so many more months to become 15!and when i become 15 they'll soon become 16!hmpf.unfair can.
i got message for my sister!sister sister.i love you loads.hehe.happy birthday ks!so must stay happy happy.hehe.all the best in everything that you do!may we be the best sisters forever.smilesss.:)
yesterday after work went to meet wif cheryl!she's cao short can.i look at her.oh man.that's my height when pple look at me.:| boos.but she's cute!we took neoprints together.hehe.both chiobus.hee.damn nice lo!the machine got liang liang de.then after that went to find the rest at the esplande.my sister was wearing a skirt!woaah.first time see her wear skirt wor.so look so keai!wear skirt better cross legs wor.later like wanru ganma last time..
we waited and waited for the late pple!and the special guest.sister was like so anxious for the special guest!then i still like trick her wif some stupid questions.me and mingming went to fetch the special guest!and it was yvette.[jieming wor jieming wor] heh.sister was like so happy until she almost cried!whee.lalala.yvette sit opposite sister.beside me!she's cao cute can.lalala.then ganma came in wif edith and my baby!hehe.i was like damn happy inside can.oops.then talking abt my brother!at one point of time she went bonkers.really!she was like knocking her head against the table.oh man.i panicked.i cld tell she like like.damn stressed up.let her bite my finger instead.oh my god!super pain can!but she pay back.she kissed my finger!hehe.so sweet hoh.and!!sister took a picture of her kissing mingming's cheek.oh man!make me jealous can.haha.naa.the picture rocks!cos is i take one ma.nice lo..i cant wait for them to develop and see them.rocks!
sitting beside yvette is so cute!i was like observing her.and my brother and sister were like lecturing me and stuff.hehe.cutting of cake's funny.the cake was from yvette!hehe.anyway.my most beloved sister made a wish for herself and for everyone.guess what was her wish for my baby?i wish that...may the princess and the prince lives happily after hehe.my sister rocks.sweet hoh.
after dinner went home.cos they decided to go airport.she see me back!woaah.better treasure the time before school reopens.and everything will like go back to the sad lonely days.but this time i'll stay happy.lalala.
guess i stop writing for now.one last note.happy birthday sisterr!
its so early and i'm already in the office!hehe.daddy came here early today.have to make some conference call wif usa.woah.yesterday didnt come for work.went town wif my family to do some household shopping.suat cheng said hi to me when she saw me.hehe.that made me so happy.:)
later going to celebrate my sister's birhtday!my beloved sister.whee.hehe.at the esplande.woah.i'm looking forward to it.but i want some time alone.just sit at the waters and think.think for the past.some peace.hehe.but i'll still be happy.lalala.
she's down wid food-poisoning!waaah.kelian.i hope she gets well soon.baby.
erm i guess i stop writing for now.
heyss!my first day back to blogging.hee.so long since i've blogged publicly..i know my blog has been like so dead for such a long time..so i'm opening it again!writing abt rae's so-not-happening life.oh wells.so fast one term pass le.holidays le.as usual.i'm in daddy's office.working again.yupps.at least its better than staying at home and rotting whole day long.in the office can whole day be in a air-con room.can surf net.and can work!fun wor.somemore now holidays dont need to train.dont need to see his face.goody good.:)
him.that him.after my separation.i told myself i wanted to train hard.but it was him.that him who once again sent me to r.c.and dashed all my hopes and determination of training hard and aiming to achieve something once again.that him who see me as an eyesore for whatever reason.that him who told me:"you'll never change." that him who caused me to hate him and he to hate me back.
hehe.i talked to her last night over the fone.so long since i've heard her voice.oh wells.i think daddy rocks.this morning he came to ask me i talked over fone until what time.he actually knew.yupps.actually his fone can see if the line is engaged.he told me today.i was like oh gosh.and he allows me to talk even so late at night!woohoo.my daddy rocks.hehe.if my mummy knew i was like using the fone so late at night and not sleeping she'll like bash into my room and scream at me to hang up and sleep.see.my daddy rocks.shh.he's just like right behind me now.shh.dont tell him that he rocks ks.cos sometimes he doesnt.hehe.i'm crapping.
i miss my mingming!cramps are over.she wont send me those pink pandols again.i think she's like super cute can! [jieming wor jieming wor] hehe.winkss* and i miss my sister.my beloved sister.her birthday's coming!lalalala.i miss school days.i miss everybody.i miss you.
p.s i updated my pictures!go see my cute face ks!:)
Rachel / Rae
24th nov 1989
raeraerae_@hotmail.com
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